Mark, A Real American Hero
Tonight I bring you a short story from my freshman year in high school. Mark and I started off high school as dorks. In fact, I’m not sure the dorks would have even wanted to be placed in the same clique with us. We were both kinda smart. Actually, we both liked thinking were smarter than we really were - not much has changed, eh? Most importantly, we both walked to the beat of a different drum. I am not exactly sure how we even became friends. Perhaps it was because we both hung out in the library during lunch. (No, I didn’t read or study. I just hung out there.) Anywho, for some reason we both joined the Social Studies Club that year and the Club went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina, the setting of this story.
One evening the group ate at a local dinner theater. The name of the place escapes me, but it had Medieval/Old English theme. Think Medieval Times, but insert a singing court jester instead of well-trained horses. There was plenty of bad food, a bar wench and no forks. The main performer - a 30-ish bearded man - stood on stage, played a lyre, sang songs and told stories. During the evening he had chosen to pick on Mark several times. (Now granted, Mark had heckled the guy for most of the evening.) Finally, at some point, in an effort to get the crowd more involved, the gentleman asked if anyone happened to know any Irish ballads that they would like to share. In retrospect, it was probably a segway into his next song. Of course, Mark fearlessly raised his hand and spoke, “I do!”
Snidely, the performer replied, “You??? Oh, please do share!” Mark smiled at first, but then began to back down. While in character, the actor publicly chastised Mark for interrupting the performance. Obviously threatened, he told Mark that he should come on stage if he wanted everyone’s attention. Mark politely declined. For what seemed like an eternity, the performer continued to grill Mark in attempt to put him in his place. Mark only replied with a childlike, “Oh, you wouldn’t know this song, anyway.” It was uncomfortable to say the least, but Mark continued to egg the guy on ever so slightly, thus making everyone else increasingly uneasy. Finally, some of the kids at the table told Mark to just shut up.
As the actor finished abusing Mark and attempted to move on, the room became completely silent. Never one to miss an opportunity, Mark then quietly and very slowly sang out in his most Operatic voice, “Frosted Lucky Charms, They’re magically delicious!”
The room (and even the actor) applauded.
Mark Baziuk, here’s to you, my friend. You are tonight’s real American hero!
